it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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