i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize