I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you traded sex for a burrito?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
