i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
