You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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