these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You pole danced in your parka.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I love you. Go after that dick
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
