hotel room ftw
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
