if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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