I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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