if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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