i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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