Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize