Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
