my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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