so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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