If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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