Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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