The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
