He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
