I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
