Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
