I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
