Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
