He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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