Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
