Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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