fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
