All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize