I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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