the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
