Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
