We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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