Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize