i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
