This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
