i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
