I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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