I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
