Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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