Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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