He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
