Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
