my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
