it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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