just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
