I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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