I can tuck mytits in my pants
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
