This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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