Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
