im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I need a beard to bite.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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