I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
