I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
