my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
