i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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