I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
