First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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