she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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