ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
