and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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