I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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