pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
