Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
