Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
