the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
