Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
