In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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