Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
