I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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