hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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