I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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