If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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