i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
