Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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