So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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