I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
