He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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