I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Welp...herpes.
my sisters under your porch take her home
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
