So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
