i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
