I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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