Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
