Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
