...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
