i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
