i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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