Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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