You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
