i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
